Once upon a time, this is the most common way to start a bedtime story. This was quite similar right before it began. I was once, I was twice, and I wasn’t supposed to tell a story right now, it wasn’t that huge deal. But is now that I am lost, that I am don’t have idea who I am so maybe if lose myself I have to look back and I’ll se if I would be able to find me again. Everything is cloudy I can’t remember anything exactly the way it was maybe because I forced myself to forget, I was crossing my fingers I was hopping not to drown on it & I did it. I ignored all the details, the whole story was uncertain for me. I was kind of dramatic, stupid for me to think in this reality soup opera. Where the most ugly witch took the charming starring gay leaving the good and pretty girl behind. It’s kind of ironic in this story didn’t exist a handsome starring gay he was just another ugly witch pretty the same as the one who took it away.
I like to think it is more kind of dramatic play, everyone with their masks, costumes, planned scripts and all the lies. Anyway it was funny kind of amusing and hilarious to watch, there were a lot of expectants watching this sweet introduction to the chaos but anyone was brave enough to stop it. Thank god. Even I lose myself I enjoyed every bit of it. It took me some time but I watched and learned a lot of things. I didn’t have anything to lose so I am the winner right now.
Everyday I wake up & at least for a second I think in certain face, I think is a curse; we stick to the memories & find an excuse to float on them at least once in the whole day, everyone is the same we are mediocre people we like to suffer is part of our human condition. & those who think are invincible will end so doomed they have empty lives what more we could ask for, don’t take a revenge I will suffer just to think about being like them.
-Are you ok?-
- Hm, yes. Don’t worry-
-Do you want a tissue?-
-No, no thanks I am okay-
The tears surprised me, I haven’t cried for months and right now I don’t now why I am crying I don’t have a soul I a m not sad, I think I am nostalgic.
-Are you lost?-
-No, well I am waiting for someone-
-Oh, your mom?-
-No no, a girl-
-How old are you?-
- I am 10-
I guess is never late or too early to try to find love, this boy was really tiny had two green huge expecting eyes like… he was waiting for someone, what about if someone never arrives? Is not good to wait expect something. something it never arrives.
-What are you doing here?-
-Me. I guess I am running away-
- From whom?-
-Myself?-
He looked at me and for sure he thought I was crazy, but he wasn’t scared, he gave me a look of safety that I have forgotten it existed.
-Why from yourself?-
-I am scared.-
- I can tell.-
- This girl is yours?-
What did I mean with yours? She is not a property.
-I hope so, but she likes someone else, look she is there-
He pointed to the swings, there she was, swinging and swinging, she seemed pretty happy but she wasn’t looking toward us.
- I come here every day to watch her. I love the way her hair looks with the wind and the sun-
It wasn’t sunny at least not for me.
- Do you love her?
- More than anyone in the world.
That reminded me, who is the one I am supposed to love more than anyone in the whole world? There was someone, but it couldn’t be.
-Does she love you?
He closed his eyes. And put his head down.
-I think she does not, she likes that boy. The one is pushing her.
He was pretty ugly he seemed selfish, empty, common, and foolish. He was that kind of boys that everyone likes but anybody loves, those boys who everyone admires but anybody wants to be, that kind of that everyone one knows that is just a bunch of crap…everyone less her.
-Don’t be sad. She doesn’t deserve you.
-I know.-
I guess he had heard that lots of times but that wasn’t enough for him to stop loving her. That’s life we know most of the things but we are so cowards to do something about it.
-I have dreamed about her for a long time.
-Those are just dreams kiddo.-
Who was I to tell him those were dreams. I’d lived a dream for months. You can’t tell a little boy that he is just dreaming. No. a kid has more determination to get what he wants the thing is he knows what is exactly what he wants. We don’t even know what we want. We are used to go for the less. We don’t go for the big, we hope for something better but we don’t go out to get it. That is why life is so fair. You get what you have worked for.
-Yeah I know, but they will come true.-
-Why are you so sure?-
-I just am, or haven’t you dreamed about anything and then it just came true?-
-Yes I have-
-So?-
-I just forget what it-was
-You are lying-
-I am not-
- I can see it in your eyes; you just hope your dream didn’t finish.-
-I forgot it-
The truth is he was right I was hoping my dream wouldn’t finished, but I was tired of dreaming, maybe my old me had chance to dream again, but not me I didn’t have chance to relive my past. I didn’t forget about it I was pretending what was wrong with that? It was a long time ago … there are some things that get wasted with the time. Why not the memories? No. the memories will stay there forever.
-You didn’t –
-I know-
-Could you tell me?-
-What?-
- Why were you crying? It is because of this right?
How was it possible for this kid I just met to know I was crying for this? He was wrong. Well I used to love someone I used to be with someone I used to be happy but that was gone. I used to go to catch stars, I used to make wishes. I used to believe. And anything started the way it was supposed to begin. Maybe if I think about the beginning I would realize why it ended so badly. But I don’t regret about anything I was prepared that wasn’t my love story It jus became one. At least that is what I think by now. We used to be one, we used to be, and we were. It is not here anymore. We defeated any enemy thought about us we were us. We were together we believed in forever we were speechless about anything. It was made of pixie dust. We were made of love. How can we read this, it is magical. Not magical enough the love is not enough. Nothing is enough. I could be looked and look so heart broken but I am not. I am not. I am just leaving it is always hard to say good bye to something you never though you would.
She promised to wait. The long wait is over I am not sure how this will end but now I am pretty sure anywhere she is, its with that kind of boy doing the same things we used to do and the most sure fact is she is not thinking about me. It’s not that. Nothing is killing me. Nothing is ending with my life I am not sure why I am complaining about this maybe I am too mad to accept it.
-Are you going to tell me?-
- Someday, I have to go now.-
-Where?-
-Don’t know.-
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